Some says that true love is indefinable because you cannot explain the pleasure that you will be experiencing. Other person also says that it might be togetherness, for fun or just to sustain our nothingness in this world. But for me this felling is always selfish. It keeps me cry. It keeps hurting me and breaks my heart into pieces. It is like an oleander plant that shows a rose-colored flower at first but later on it will kill you because of the poison it bears.
For the past two years I promised to myself not to fall in love again and successfully I did. Surprisingly, it really gave positive impacts in my life. But still, I failed to conquer this feeling. It destroyed all the barriers that I built in my heart. It destroyed my principle not to have this feeling again and the worst thing is that sooner it will destroy my life for the second time around.
I am not hiding from the reality that there is always a possibility that I will experience this feeling over and over again for my entire life. What I cannot accept is that this feeling overpowers my will. I remember, which I refused not to, but I can still remember that I choose love rather than to have a good future. My freedom to have many choices in that time have gone away and replaced by love. Even my options changed its spelling to L-O-V-E. This is not just the things I experienced because of too much fond devotion to someone. I tried to gave everything and face the world with nothing. It seems that I am naked walking in front of the crowd. I tried to do improper things like quarreling my close friends just to defend the omnipotent affection that I am experiencing. All in all, love brought nothing but disaster in my life. I don’t know what I have done wrong why it treated me like this. I really hate the fact that there is such thing in this world called love.
Now I am really nervous because it is gradually coming and will unscrew the lock that I put in my heart for me not to fall in love again. I am worrying not because of the feeling but due to the severe emotional pain it may give and that I know it will takes time to heal. Not days, not months but years of suffering.
